I remember the first time someone asked me how far along I was and I immediately turned to Adi with a panicked look on my face. Can you really tell already? Yes, hunny, you can tell. But, what if I’m just bloated or had an extra burger for lunch? I mean, how could they know?! Seems like a risky question if you ask me. To which my ever so sweet husband replied, you don’t look bloated, you look pregnant. Enter glare.
Truth is, I thought I could get away with no one knowing until I was at least 6 months. I naively thought I could wear flowy tops and avoid the stares, belly rubs, and the realization that life was going to drastically change forever in just a few short months. I thought I could buy a little more time where life was just as it was before and the only thing I needed to worry about was my business, what was for dinner, and what will happen to Christina’s marriage on Grey’s Anatomy. I wanted to put away thoughts of strollers, cribs, diapers, sleeping schedules, pacifier theories, and the endless birthing plan opinions until I had no other choice but to face those scary things. Scary, not because I wasn’t excited about our little baby, but scary because the idea of one choice affecting a life so much was terrifying to me. I was (and still am) scared that I wouldn’t be a good mother. I was scared of failing, of not having prepared enough, of the baby not loving me back, of choosing the wrong bottle. Good Lord, the fears are endless and at times, ridiculous. But our darling little jellybean doesn’t seem to care much about my fears and continues to grow and amaze us each and every day. This little bean has been happily kicking, flipping, and softly reminding us that in less than four months, we will be parents… ready or not. And can I just be completely honest in saying I know we won’t be ready. I know there will be 10 other books I should have read and plans I should have made. But I also know that all the information in the world couldn’t possibly prepare us for the immense love and protection we will feel. Through a few of the panicked tears I’ve allowed myself to shed, our baby has nudged me reminding me of how utterly in love I already am and just how okay we’ll all be.
Over the past two weeks, I’ve welcomed the stares, advice, and have been loving the belly rubs. Really, if you see me in public and you read my blog, rub away. Baby bean loves it. ;) I’ve welcomed questions that I have no answers for. I’ve come to accept that there is no right or wrong way and that through all the fears, and all the endless to-do lists, we’re happier than ever. Terrified, yes, but over the moon, cup is spilling over, happy. I’ve made peace with Adi’s theory which is very scientific and brilliant in nature. He thinks that we’ll have a good year or two to make mistakes before our child figures out that we’re pretty clueless. Oh, and by then, Dr. Google will have trained us pretty well. Oh, how I love my baby daddy.
Life has been busier than ever, and though I’ve looovvvedd being pregnant (hello glowy skin, healthy hair, and stronger nails), I’ve had a hard time remembering to take photos. Crazy, I know. Here are a few recents… Happy Tuesday to you!