This has been a difficult last month for our family. I’ve given myself some time to process and heal before returning to blogging and sharing this news with you all. For a while there, I thought of just blogging a wedding or a photoshoot, with no mention as to what has been going on. For those of you who have been following this blog from the beginning, you may think I’m an open book. But the funny thing is, I’m not. Not really, anyway. Sure, I blog about dates with my husband and share some photos of my family with you all, but all of that is a glimpse of my life that I choose to share. In reality, I’m quite vulnerable and fiercely protective of the people and events in my life that I hold so dearly. And this is as cherished as it gets for me.
I’ve decided to share this because I wish for every single person to know the kind of woman my grandmother was. About three months ago, we received news that she had cancer. For the first 6 weeks, I refused to acknowledge this in my heart. My head knew otherwise, but my heart just simply could not accept this. You, see, my grandma? She was strong. And quick. Besides the occasional back ache and problems with her vision, she was quite healthy. She was savy, very funny, and kept us all together. She was a loyal woman and that stubbornness my husband so often points out in me? I get it from her.Year after year, we’d pack up our bags and head over to Romania to see her and the rest of our family. And each time we’d leave, a piece of me would stay behind with her. It was difficult, being so far away. Though the distance was great, we spoke to her quite often. Of course, now, I think not often enough and I long to dial that phone number just once more. I long to hear her answer just once more. But I suppose after that once more, I’d want another once more. Because you can’t really ever be ready to let go completely, can you.
On the first Sunday of 2013, we received news that she had gone to be with her Lord and Savior. While I can’t put into words what it feels like to lose someone you love so much, there is a strange sense of peace knowing we were blessed to have had the years we had with her. She was brave, even in her last days. Her spirit was joyful and her heart always sincere. She was a friend to so many and had a serving heart that always put others before herself. She adored her grandchildren and loved ice cream. My grandmother loved her garden, her chickens (yes, you read that right), and her home. She loved fashion (you should see the photos of back in her days) and it was a fact that we couldn’t leave the house until she approved of what we wore. She was beautiful beyond description. She made us laugh with tears. A woman that would get lost in scripture and spend hours in prayer, she never missed an opportunity to share God with others. Up until she became ill, she walked to church three times a week, every week, without question. My favorite thing about her though, was the way she’d sing at church. It’s a memory that I hold on to tightly and if I close my eyes, I could hear her so vividly. She sang with all her heart, loudly and beautifully. This is how I want to remember her always.
A few days ago, almost exactly one month from my grandma passing, we received the news that Adi’s grandmother had also gone to be with the Lord. It was a longer road of suffering for her and it’s a strange feeling of relief that she no longer feels pain, yet immense sadness that she is no longer with us. Though I don’t have as many memories with her because of the long distance between us, she left behind a family that misses her more than she could have ever known. She was loved by so many and there is a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think that Emerson will never get to know his great grandmothers. It’s short, this life. A breath, really. But it’s eternity that we prepare for and there is great joy knowing that they were prepared. I’m ever grateful for that.
To both of our grandmothers, our bunis, we can’t wait to one day be with you in heaven. We miss you so. We love you so.